My adult version of the game Pin the Tail on the Donkey

 

On this day of remembrance that we wish we didn’t have to have, I still remember and am still thankful for all those who fought for lives that day.  And there’s still so many questions that may not be answered this side of heaven about it all.  Today must be a day that I have questions on my mind.  Maybe because the frailty of that day, of our country now and my heart recently.  But today questions just poured in (or out) and with my heart beating a little faster, I’m shaking a little to keep typing…even more to click “Publish”.

Lord, what is this ambiguous feeling I have these days where I feel like I NEED to do something but I DON’T KNOW what it is?  It feels like I’m blindfolded and playing that childhood birthday party game Pin the Tail on the Donkey where you can hardly see a thing, yet try to peek through the crack of the bandana to get at least a glimpse that you’re possibly going in the right direction but still getting way off the mark. 

Yet in this time in my life called adulthood, maybe I’ve matured a little bit and it would be better to call this game “Nail the Questions on the Cross”. 

These questions that suddenly poured out of me today are all over the board and I just hope to make at least one of the marks right square in the heart that will win the prize of an answer.

What am I supposed to be doing?

Am I doing it now and don’t realize it?

But why do I have this anxious feeling like I’m missing some point…or I’m about to hit it square on?

It just feels like there’s something MORE.

Why did I take what I learned the past 18 years and just tuck it safe and sound only for me to know in my journal book, notebooks, scrap pieces of paper, and scribbles and highlights in my bible and books by Christian authors? 

Why have I kept my mouth shut?

Why haven’t I done more to serve You?

Why haven’t I been bold enough to speak out?

Have You wanted me to be that way to prepare me?  Or have I been wasting time?

What are the important things I’ve learned through the past 20 years that I can use for You?

How do I have the time to go back and find a pattern, or the milestones, or ah-ha God Moments when I’m trying to juggle pre-teenagers activities, a part time job, to-do lists and answering bible study questions?

Am I doing what You want me to be doing?  (have I already asked this question?)

How do I balance and manage my time?

What do you want me to do with my blog or writing?

Why do I have so many questions?  Have they just been building up?

Will you ever answer them all?  Have I asked too many?

Why is it sometimes hard to believe the impossible is possible?

Why do ones dear to my heart, and even those I don’t know, have to suffer so much?  (Please give some relief to them!)

Am I just going to have to wonder forever?

Wonder can be beautiful but it can also be frustrating when you don’t know the answers NOW – or especially when you’ve been waiting for months or even years.

What am I don’t right?  What am I doing wrong?

What do you want me doing NOW? (OK, I think I’ve asked this three times now…)

Do I need to be sitting here waiting to hear the answers to those questions or jump into doing something by a leap of faith?  If that’s what You want me to do, I’d like at least some direction of where to start, please.

He quietly answers:

 

Your kingdom must fall…including the wall around it that you’ve been adding bricks to each day for years.

 

So that’s the one that hit the nail on the cross heart.

 

I’d be humbled for you to share some questions you’re asking yourself and God so I can lift you up in prayer about them.  Do you have one of the same questions I do or different ones?   Feel free to comment below!

A Beautiful Promise to Start your Week

My Scarlet Cord

 

Joining in today with Five Minute Friday and today’s word is RED.  It’s one that has made my red heart beat a little faster…

 

The scarlet cord is frayed and has been re-knotted I don’t know how many times.  It’s the cord that hangs down from the edges of my almost 20 year old book to signify the risk I should dare myself to take. 

That red ribbon, which was given as a gift from someone unknown, has been in my bible for several years.  It was made to be a reminder of Rahab’s story.   Have I lost some of my vision?  

God’s vision? 

I’m now realizing that each year since then, that bright color has seemed to fade into the color of dullness that surrounded that bright, scarlet cord Rahab hung from her window in that almost-everything-brown and dusty city of Jericho.  

There was a battle.  It was coming. 

She had heard about this almighty God and His people and was probably scared to death in fear of the unknown and the battle that was known-coming. 

Rahab CHOSE to risk everything she had for a God she barely knew.  God CHOSE and WANTED TO give her grace. She CHOSE faith and as she made that decision, God redeemed her.  Then two spies showed up.  The only thing Rahab could do was dare to tell them her story, her idea, her dream to be rescued, redeemed and restored…and used in a new way. 

Her faith started off the size of a mustard seed…maybe even the size of a piece of dust in that desert city. 

Recently, that cord in my bible has become brighter to me.  It honestly kind of scares me to think that a battle or a flood or a bolt of lightning could come anytime.  But if that cord has become ruby red to me, then what am I waiting for?  Am I willing to hang my scarlet cord down from the window in order to take the risk to have people God puts in my life rescued, redeemed and restored as well?

What is your scarlet cord?

 

For the One who longs to hear it and to the ones who need to hear it

Oh goodness…I just realized it’s been two weeks since I’ve recorded my joys and thanksgivings.  It’s been a whirlwind the past couple of weeks.  It’s so early in the season and so much filling the calendar space already.

My word for the rest of this year is BALANCE.

 

Yet at the moment, it’s beginning to look like I have a thin balance beam to walk across.

I need to balance so I can make time to thank God. 

In the once-again quiet house now that school is in session, with a joyfully quiet sigh, I plopped down on my quiet time sofa and just took in a deep breath of quietness.  The fingers felt good flipping through the thin pages and the crinkly sound of the gold rimmed paper turning, and I find Luke 17:14-19 in The Message.  It’s about ten lepers who saw Jesus and his disciples walking down the road. They all cried out for mercy to Jesus, asking for healing.  And Jesus did.  Nine ran into the nearby city filled with happiness to show others Jesus’ holy healing power, yet only one turned around and ran the other way. 

He turned around to thank Jesus.

    “One of them, when he realized that he was healed, turned around and came back, shouting his gratitude, glorifying God.  He kneeled at Jesus’ feet, so grateful. He couldn’t thank him enough.”

Am I like the one or one of the nine?

Am I stopping in my tracks before I run into the world each day, thanking Him for simply showing up, for answering my cries for mercy and forgiveness, for my family, for the opportunity to wash dirty clothes in our clean washing machine, for a sink piled high with dishes that need to be washed, for a mini van that gets us around town, for the time I have to read and write?  

Or am I one who might take for granted the gifts God gives me?   Or am I still thanking God if the healing doesn’t come or if struggles just won’t go away or hope is hard to hold onto?

Remember though: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”  (1 Thes. 5:16-18)

 

Yes, let’s go out and share the good things that happen in our lives, but take the time to THANK GOD FIRST…for everything. 

 I want to be like that ONE who can’t thank God enough in the middle of this world, our country, and my community.  In the balance beam of life today, we MUST make the time to “shout our gratitude” to the One who longs to hear it and to the ones who need to hear it.   I challenge you to be like that one who thanked God first.

 

And here’s the list of gifts I’m thanking God for from the past couple of weeks:

#1616  wearing a light jacket on morning walk…in August

#1617  open windows… in August

#1618  Libby’s love to have a bake sale for Feed The Hunger

#1619  $105 daughter raised to buy school supplies for other kids in need.

#1620  back to school!

#1621  good teachers for our kids this year

#1622  a long weekend beach get away with family

#1623  16 month old grins

#1624  rusty things that make you wonder the stories that go around them

#1625  not having lost the desire to ride the waves on the boogie board (or what used to be a raft)

#1626  surviving after an out-of-control tumbling under the water in powerful waves

#1627  the power of God in a wave literally takes your breath away and teaches you a lesson

#1628  the next day calm waves to lie on the board and float in the water

#1629  revising Margie and Rays restaurant

#1630  our in-laws gift of inviting us to a weekend at the beach

#1631  finding a perfect sand dollar which isn’t easy to do

#1632  crumbles of broken seashells

#1633  waking up naturally each morning at the perfect time to see the sunrise

#1634  different sunrises every morning over the Atlantic Ocean.

#1635  the heart cloud as the sun rises that’s God’s way of saying to me, “I love you”.

#1636  flying a kite on the beach

#1637  feeding seagulls

#1638  the surprise visit from a horseshoe crab

#1639  fun in the ocean!

#1640  on the beach, catching up from the past year with with a dear friend

#1641  Beach umbrellas

#1642  Sand underneath your feet and water rushing around them

#1643  Starting the study Good Morning Girls

#1644  over 70 people from our church baptized at the lake and celebrated with a party

#1645  hard eucharisteo -  opportunity to share  from the heart even though I don’t like to.

#1646  recommitment

#1647  last minute conversation meeting with a beautiful woman of God at the coffee shop.

#1648  Before this friend knowing what I was going to tell her, she pulled out a book that was just. right. for me to read.

#1649  the book: Anything by Jennie Allen and the pages are more highlighted than not.

#1650  thoughts that Christ puts in your heart that could be a calling

#1651  seeing the shadow of a hummingbird flying by on our sunroom wall as if it was the shadow of a little fairy like you see in Peter Pan.

#1652  finally stepping out of my comfort zone, which has been a fear of mine.  It strangely feels good.

#1653  the excitement of starting a new bible study with a beautiful group of women.

 

What can you thank God for first today?  How about sharing it below in my comments?

Nine things I learned in August

It’s the end of August.  The end of summer.  The end of kids staying in bed until they want to get up in the morning and the end of trips to the pool.  And as I look ahead at the rest of 2013  (which I’m a little excited and nervous to see what God knows and I don’t quite yet)  - I look back and see what I’ve learned in August.  Joining in with Emily Freeman and the community who’s also sharing what they’ve learned this past month.

#1  These days people throw Gender Reveal parties.  What?  I’ve never heard of such a thing until some friends at my scrapbook workshop informed me of this what-can-be elaborate event - and that means I’m getting old…or I need to find me some younger friends.   The soon-to-be parents go to the ultrasound, the M.D. sees the gender, and puts the answer whether the baby is a boy or girl in a sealed envelop.  Then the party planning beings!  Relative and friends create all sorts of activities to reveal the gender to the soon-to-be parents.  A cake is made with the color pink or blue inside of the cake being so when the cake is cut they find out the gender. You can put pink or blue balloons in a box and open it to see them flow out revealing a boy or girl and the list can go on with ways to reveal. Before the gender is revealed though they have games where people vote which they predict the baby will be.  So, maybe you didn’t know that and now you do like me.

#2 I learned if you’re 16 and older you have to have a fishing license but you can fish without a license if you’re younger than 16.   I, nor anyone in my family, have ever been fishers but when we went to the lake one weekend with friends who like to fish, I learned that fact.  I didn’t quite understand why age had anything to do with whether a license was needed to fish or not but my hubby said it’s like the restaurants who say: “If you’re 12 and under you get to eat free!”.   I like to see it that way as an encouragement for family time!  (There were lots of fish caught that weekend and tales told).

#3  It’s really possible to get 21 mosquito bites in just 3 minutes.  I went outside to cut some fresh flowers and was literally attacked by them.  I’ll spare you a picture of the huge whelps on my legs and arms.

#4  I’ve got to let my daughter make her own decisions when it comes to doing something “on her own”.   Even ideas of how a poster should be designed. (ouch)  She was making them for her bake sale to raise money to give to Feed the Hunger ministry who gave school supplies to students in desperate need.  I had a vision in my mind and I was trying to encourage her to do it the way I wanted it to look…but it was her idea to hold the bake sale so the poster should be her idea too!  It’s hard to “let go” of the thought that she’s not a young child anymore…she’s a preteen 10 year old turning into a beautiful young lady with a big heart.  (And she raised $105!)

#5   This is really a reminder instead of something learned but it hit home in a new way this month.  God has known *things* all along and prepares us for the right time and when it is, wants us to take that step of faith.  He has been whispering to me the past 2 months to lead a bible study to a group of women.  I ignored those whispers the past few months until this past month when His voice because more than a whisper – more like a loud cheer.  The cheer was a little pep rally where I heard  “You can do it - deep down inside - so bring it up, don’t let it hide!”   OK…that cheer may be a little cheesy but the words really are true.  It can also be said this way:  “Take that leap of faith and get out of your comfort zone -  you’ve been in it long enough.”   So I am and I’m excited.

#6  A friend told me about a must-read book I had never heard of.  She thought…or somehow just knew I needed to read it.  So, I got it and I’m only on page10 and the pages are more hot pink from the highlight marker than plain black ink on white paper.  The book is Anything by Jennie Allen.   Thanks Susan!

#7  There’s a ministry called Good Morning Girls.  It’s a pretty cool bible study and concept of how to guide women though the Word whether it’s with a group of people in your town or all through the world.  Check it out.

#8   I learned when you finally let out what’s been a battle and bottled up inside you for a long time, it’s a bittersweet release.  Bitter due to the fear of the unknown outcome but sweet knowing it was needed and the feeling of release brings hope. 

#9  I learned there’s a gathering in a barn I really want to go to in November and anxiously waiting for more details!

 

Thanks for stopping by and reading what I’ve learned this month.  What did you learn in August?  How about sharing it by making a comment below!

I hope you have a long weekend filled with rest and joy. 

Who do you want to be?

It’s Five Minute Friday again!  Joining in with others who are writing for five minutes today including the word “LAST”.

 

I caught myself saying the words I’m trying not to say these days… “I want to be like my…”, or “I want to be like that…”

I want to be like that person who can make people laugh.

I want to be like my neighbor who runs in marathons.

I want to be like Mother Theresa who has served the poor and has said some of the most poignant phrases that really make you think.

I want to be like my friend who’s bold enough to speak Truth when needed.

I want to be like that woman at the grocery store I saw last week whose cart is filled only with healthy food…and really thinks it tastes better than a bag or chips or mint chocolate chip ice cream.

I want to be like that those other Christian bloggers who have hundreds of followers who pour into their laps…or laptops.

I want to be a better wife and mom.

 

It’s not always bad to have people inspire you to make changes in your life – it can actually be a good thing and even needed.  But when “I want to be like”  becomes a comparison game -that’s not needed.

 

Why not say,

I want to be more like Jesus.

I want to be like Jesus who puts God first in all things.

I want to be like Jesus who prays and prays and prays.

I want to be like Jesus who lives to change the lives of people who are lost in this crazy world and who need a relationship with God.

I want to be like Jesus who selflessly puts others’ needs before his own.

I want to be like Jesus who doesn’t compare or judge people by their appearance.

I want to be like Jesus who loves to love.

 

I’d love for you fill in the blank “I want to be like Jesus who ________________” and share it in my comments. 

 

Have a relaxing, last summer month weekend!

 

 

 

 

My prayer today

 

God, You are present and I thank You.

Your Spirit allows us to be transparent and vulnerable.

Your right hand is in all things.

Your plan and purpose is always for the good, even when there’s fog and hard to see it.

You are righteous, holy…and intentional.

You give the gift of challenge and change so we can depend on You more.

You restore relationships, renew purpose, and reignite the flame of determination that can make a difference for good.

You give us grace; let us give the grace to others.

You give us wisdom through Your Word; may we study it, marinate it, be convicted by it, and live by it.

May we know how to balance grace and words of boldness.

May You speak Truth through love so we can do the same.

May the brokenhearted find rest in You.

May release bring healing only through You.

May I live wholly and completely for You.