All done...

I just didn’t know how to express it.  I didn’t know if I should even bother to bring it up.

But it’s about to be a new season…summertime…and for the first time since I was a kid in school, I’ve been looking forward to summer.  I don’t really care for the heat, humidity, sweat and mosquito bites.  I’d take autumn any day.  It also throws me off the track of having a “regular schedule” which I seem to like.

For some reason I need something different, even though change isn’t always easy for me.

Honestly after a little meltdown the other night this hot-mess frustratingly told herself she was done.  All done.  Done blogging and done writing.

But a couple of days after that not-so-joyful-moment, I was reading a post from Chatting at the Sky as Emily wrote about the importance of having spiritual whitespace, referring to a new book on the bookstore shelves. 

That’s exactly what I was feeling…needing space… but had been wrestling with it. 

I was wrestling because it’s hard to let go of some things sometimes…and hard for me to say “no”.

I’ve been wrestling with all the busyness of spring events that have finally wound down but left me a little frazzled.

And honestly, wresting with the evil one who’s been trying to make me quit.  Quit writing.  Hang up my hat.  “All done” as I hold my hands up and shake them, all fingers stretched out – what I did in front of our babies as I taught them what “all done” means in sign language.

I know though I need to put on my big-girl pants.  I’m not going to let the evil one win this one. I’ve come to realize I need to give myself some spiritual whitespace to breathe. 

I don’t know exactly how much space I need though.  It might be for a couple of weeks or a couple of months.

I need to clear the clutter. Create some whitespace to leave space for other things.  I often read other writers who say the best things to write about are simply “real life” experiences and how God is in the midst of it.  Lately I feel my head has been so cluttered, I haven’t had time to take notice of how God is working and speaks in every day things in my life.

That late night when I had that little “come-to-Jesus” moment, I told Him I needed to read something to ease my struggle.  I wanted a Psalm.  I didn’t know which one but I opened my Bible, praying it be one that’s Just.Right.  And Just.Right. it was.  

The pages fell open to Psalm 32.  Years ago I had underlined verse 8, which I had forgotten so I looked to see what was written for me that night. 

“I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go.  I will counsel you and watch over you.”

It left me word-less.

And ever since then words have been appearing in all sorts of places – books, computer screens, post office doors and Target stores -  that have to do with resting and waiting.

I read just yesterday a post about needing rest from writing that pretty much confirmed I’ve made the right decision.  The writer said, taking seasons of deliberate rest are critical for the creative soul’s restoration and rejuvenation.

And that can be for any area of life…for anyone.

She also said,

“…when I finally surrendered to the quiet, I started to hear things, words began to gather again in my mind. God reminded me of stories I have yet to tell. I also began to dream again. I had visions. Fresh ideas percolating. Inspiration glowed at the edges of my mind–a new dream unfolding.

So, here I go.  Taking a deep breath and exhaling it slowly and excited to see what I’m going to do with a little extra time and what I’ll learn the next…I don’t know how long. 

May each of you who’ve taken the time to visit my little corner of the blogosphere, thank you.  My heartfelt gratitude goes to you and I’ll be back.  I think I’d go crazy if I didn’t.  

This summer I hope you will also make space to breathe, to rest and to rejuvenate yourselves from the inside out.   

Trusting Him,

Beth

{It’s Five Minute Friday and today’s word is HANDS.  I know it did take a little over five minutes to write this post, but I wrote it yesterday and *it happened* to include today’s word “hands” already so I thought I’d join in the invitation…}